He then turned for a tube of K.Y and squirted some on his gloved fingers. He told me he was about to enter his fingers to feel the walls of my vagina for any abnormalities. In shot two fingers and my pelvic muscled constricted around the intruding fingers. He told my to relax and that it would only be uncomfortable for a short time. I could feel him prodding around and he then placed a hand on my pelvis and pushed to feel my ovaries and tubes.His fingers exited and he turned to pick up a large clear plastic speculum. This was soon lubed also and the duckbill like end sitting at the opening to my vagina. He reassured me that he would be gentle and that only minor discomfort would be felt. I felt the speculum enter the vagina and with a twist of the hand it was in place. I then felt the blades being opened, they were stretching me open and I felt like I would tear until I heard them lock into place. His head turned towards the tray and I saw him pick up a little brush like devise. This. I'd been busy researching through the internet and checkinggovernment websites for processes and structures, forms and proceduresfor changing my gender. I could have wept at the prospect of the rockyroad I was looking along, but having experienced one afternoon as PippaI knew I needed to do it.Friday came and Nina came too. As I turned the corner from the bus stopI saw her sitting on my doorstep beside her usual, canvas holdall. Sheturned at the sound of my steps, and I started a wave before the set ofher shoulders made me realise somebody had been through a worse weekthan me.Before I could get her inside her sobs had wet my shoulder; I foundmyself hugging a new Nina, somebody I had never seen before - she'dalways been so strong, so sure. It took a while to hear what was wrong,the words couldn't come, each one was broken by splintered hurt and rawincomprehension. Finally, when my top was wet with tears I heard -Juliette had dumped her."I didn't know where else to go, what else to.
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